Des Preuves d’Amour (Love Letters in english) is a one-of-a-kind movie. It is one of those stories that cinema never tells. It’s about people who don’t seem to exist, about families that threaten our social and political systems so much that it tries to erase them. But it is as universal as a story gets. Love. It is a movie about love.
On April 23rd 2013, the Taubira law legalizes gay marriage and adoption in France. This is a milestone in queer family making. Yet, obstacles remain standing in the way of lesbian parenthood. Indeed, between 2013 and 2021, non-birthing mothers have to adopt their own children after they are born. The adoption process is very difficult, long and often expensive. The movie follows Céline, a thirty-one-year-old DJ waiting for her first child to be born. Céline is not pregnant. Her wife, Nadia, is. When her daughter will be born, she won’t be her legal mother, she will have to wait for months before she officially adopts her. The adoption process requires her to provide the judges letters from people she knows, testifying that she is involved in her wife’s pregnancy, that she truly desires this baby and that she deserves to be her mom. The film follows her as she asks her close circle, and especially her mother to write those letters.
The director, Alice Douard, is herself mother to a child she didn’t give birth to. Through this film, she tells the story of women like her who, especially twelve years ago, were pioneers of queer families. I can only assume that becoming a mother is a life-changing experience for everyone. It is an intimate journey that alters who one is as a person, and reshapes one's identity. Women like Céline had to go through these inner struggles while trying to find where they belonged in a society that didn’t make room for them. In doing so, they were redefining not only their own definition of motherhood, but motherhood as a whole. They were doing something highly political : they were transforming what it means to be a mother and what family is. And they had to do so publicly, in front of a judicial system that, after all this work, still held the power to decide whether or not they were allowed to be mothers.
Through the character of Céline’s mother, a pianist who wasn’t present in Céline’s childhood, yet was her legal mother from the day she was born, Alice Douard questions what it means to be a parent. Is it taking care of a child, giving them time, love, care and safety or simply sharing common genes ? And, may I add, are straight men who abandon or mistreat their biological children more worthy of being parents than gay partners who have invested time, energy (and often money) to bring their children into the world and will provide everything they emotionally and materially need for their entire lives ?
By exploring the relationship between Céline, her mother, her wife and her soon to be daughter, Alice Douard demonstrates that motherhood isn’t about genes or laws. At the end of the film, Céline‘s mother says : « I have always loved my daughter more than anything. I have always thought that if she was trapped in a fire somewhere, day or night, I would immediately throw myself into the flames to save her. [...] Since the baby was born (Céline’s), the gaze full of admiration she already casts upon this little girl tells the long story she is about to write with her. Perhaps being a mother begins with being present. Céline is present. She places her daughter at the center of her happiness. [...] No one knows what kind of parent they will be until they experience this role over time. Will Céline do better or worse than if she had been pregnant, than Nadia who gave birth, than me ? Céline embraces the role ofbeing a mother and practices becoming one. She builds her character, as we all do. I once read this sentence: one must carry chaos in order to give birth to a dancing star. I know that this little girl will dance. »
This is the conclusion of the film: what makes a mother is her love for her child. That’s it.
While conveying this powerful message, this film offers queer audiences a happy story. Unlike many lesbian movies, nobody dies or struggles with coming out and being rejected by their families and friends. The story remains realistic and shows instances of homophobia as well as the difficulties that lesbian mothers can encounter. But the ending is happy. Many scenes are funny and light. It is one of these rom-coms that leave you feeling good, energized and optimistic. And just as lesbians deserve to be mothers, they (we) deserve joyful movies that celebrate their lives.
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